My 15.5 years in Families Need Fathers, the shared parenting charity.
Some blogs are easy to write. This one is not easy.
A brief history of my time within FNF:
I will present this in positives and negatives format.
Positives:
In late November 2007 I joined FNF at the Central London Branch (CLB), and my life was transformed for the better. From Nov 2007 until May 15th, 2023, I estimate I have attended 650+ meetings at CLB and North London Branch of FNF. On May 15th, 2023, I resigned as CLB chair after nearly 12 years. I also resigned from the committee. What made me leave? Certainly not the excellent CLB committee.
July 2008: invited onto CLB committee.
October 2009 - 2021: branch chair of the re-started North London branch. Covid closed that branch down.
November 2011 until May 2023: Chair of CLB. Elected unanimously every year.
I chaired around 35% of every CLB weekly meeting since 2008 until 2023. For Nth Lon the figure is 95%. Nth Lon met once a month.
CLB until 2011 had slightly over 1,000 attendees per year. FNF started up other London branches to share the load and until 2020 (Covid), CLB had 900 attendees per year. Post Covid, the CLB meetings are much smaller.
2014.
I managed to present twice to the European Parliament Petitions Commission on its motion, ‘Systemic Failings in the UK Family Court System.’ I partially caused a brief investigation by the EU Commission into UK Family Courts. This is the first time a sovereign nation family court process has been subject to such investigation. Video here
2017.
CLB/FNF hosted its first conference titled, Parental Alienation in the Family courts. The excellent presentation and videos are available on londonfathers.com and also on this website. The principal organisers from CLB were myself and John Baker plus CLB committee. This also applied at the next 3 conferences CLB/FNF organised. Among the presenters were, HHJ Wildblood, Dr Hamish Cameron, FRCP FRCPsych DPM Consultant Child Psychiatrist (Retired): Sir Anthony Douglas, Cafcass Ceo; NSPCC, Joanna Abrahams, Solicitor; and Paul Apreda, CEO of Welsh Fnf. The event chair was Fran Wiley KC. Two anti-shared parenting groups protested outside against the conference, organised by a former family law barrister who wrote an open letter to Cafcass and the NSPCC describing FNF as advocating for the kidnapping of children and murdering the mothers if they objected. The equivalent of accusing the Teletubbies of mass genocide, in my opinion.
2018.
That year’s conference was titled, Domestic Violence in the Family Courts and False Allegations.
The 2017 conference speakers were all John Baker’s contacts, from 2018 onwards most speakers were due to my networking. 2018 speakers were Erin Pizzey, Dr Melissa Hamilton, Professor of Law & Criminal Justice; Martin Daubney, journalist; Stuart Graham, attachment expert; Michael Lewkowicz of FNF and Dr John Barry. I did my 20 slides presentation and both conferences were videoed for free by Ewan Davies. This time, no protests or accusations of mass murder and kidnapping being promoted.
2019.
We (CLB committee) decided to spend our conference budget on engaging with research carried out by Dr John Barry of University College London. John is a Chartered Psychologist and Professional Researcher. The intention was that John and other experts in the field of male trauma and suicide prevention would present at our conference of 2020. Covid, put a stop to that conference!
2022.
John Baker and myself with CLB and FNF help once again organised another conference titled, Stress faced by Litigants In Person within the Family Courts. John Barry presented brilliant research on the effects of the stress faced by mostly fathers being separated from their children, Martin Seager, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Adult Psychiatrist did a master presentation on ‘what it means to be a man’ Paul O Callaghan the new Chair of FNF trustees also presented as did Kim Beatson, family law solicitor and a stalwart supporter of the CLB branch and FNF for over 24 years. Billy McGranaghan, Ceo of Dadshouse UK, a phenomenal charity in West London also did an excellent piece. Videos available on londonfathers.com and this website, plus somewhere within the FNF website.
2023.
This conference was titled, Systemic Failings in the UK Family Court System. The exact same title as the motion in the European Parliament Petitions Commission where I twice briefly presented in 2014. Speakers were Professor Ben Hine, Dr Deborah Powney, Sarah Philimore, Barrister; Dr Naomi Murphy, and David Eggins, CEO of Temper domestic violence service. The afternoon chair was Martin Daubney, now a GB News presenter. On Twitter it has over 47,000 hits. What could go wrong? Answer, everything!!!
1. A nationwide train strike!
2. Our brilliant cameraman Tom Tokkellossi had a heart attack and was hospitalised two days before the event. We couldn’t arrange another at such short notice.
3. Prof Ben Hine and his wife had to suddenly rush to a dying relative’s bedside that weekend in the North of England.
4. Dr Naomi Murphy arrived in London the evening before, and was violently sick that morning and couldn’t attend.
5. Dr Deborah Powney couldn’t attend in person due to the train strike.
6. We couldn’t get the sound system to link up with the online presentations from Ben Hine and Deborah Powney. That was sorted. Despite the pressure he was under, Ben still managed to put together an excellent 20-minute online presentation for us.
And yet, we managed to do a very successful salvage from wreckage on the day. Many have generously credited me for the saving of the event, in reality I just happen to know very capable people who could step in at short notice and perform magnificently. Mike Bell, of Gender Parity UK and Richard Nixon Chair of the Crawley FNF branch, did brilliant presentations. The presentation slides will yet be posted on londonfathers.com this site and hopefully FNF website. As usual, sterling assistance for the event courtesy of Clb cmte members, especially Rena on technical matters and event greeting, plus Wayne Martin, Azam, and Rob, Sunita (my fiancée) and John Baker plus Paul O Callaghan.
Negatives!
Sadly, they were far greater in number than the positives. So, I will just present a few lowlights.
I immediately became aware of the endless infighting among FNF trustees and the distrust between HQ and CLB, the founding and busiest branch of the charity when I joined the CLB committee. I determined that when I became Chair this would cease. That was delusional on my part.
2014.
When I initially presented to the EU Petitions Commission on the 19/3/2014, I managed to get invited back for November 11th, 2014, follow up. I foolishly assumed FNF would give me a letter of support, after all I was there in my capacity as Chair of CLB and Nth Lon branches. They didn’t even answer my requests for a letter of support.
2017.
We at CLB were used to FNF HQ repeatedly blocking every initiative for campaigning that we proposed. This is in breach of their own constitution. Trustees were phoning to warn me of removal from the charity for my campaigning. I was repeatedly told I could only offer ‘pastoral assistance’ to the numerous attendees. John Baker and I with CLB assistance organised the first 2017 conference and only told FNF HQ about 10 days in advance because we believed they would block it if they had further notice. So much for trust and working together.
2018.
By now FNF HQ had decided, to assist CLB with conference organisation. At that conference my new girlfriend was very impressed and stated she would do a crowdfund to assist us with future conferences. Michael Lewkowicz, FNF director of communications, was present at that conversation and agreed that any funds for CLB conferences Sunita collected would go to FNF for gift aid benefit, and the remainder would be passed onto CLB. He then refused to pass it on, despite repeated email requests. He passed it over a year later when I told him via email I would name and shame him at out next conference for withholding.
2019.
Michael L and Jerry Karlin, Chair of FNF Trustees and acting CEO really disliked CLB and especially me. This became apparent when they persuaded a newcomer to the CLB committee to do all he could to sabotage Clb. He was extraordinarily disruptive at committee meetings and the branch AGM. Eventually in desperation, rather than see me being voted as Chair of the branch by the committee, he walked out to make the meeting inquorate. Sadly, for him, another committee member arrived after he left, and we voted to accept his resignation from the committee. That was not the end of it.
2021.
Two weeks after my book was published, myself primarily and John Baker, Sec/Treas of CLB were issued with a complaint from FNF HQ over my handling of this gentleman in 2019. There were in total 21 allegations, mostly of the entertainingly stupid variety. For example, we were accused of under-reporting of the true cost of the conference in 2019. There was no 2019 conference!
I was accused of being racist. My fiancée is Asian. And so on…….
Consider this, 2 weeks after my book the War On Dads @ Children has been published and mentioned on Channel 5 Jeremy Vine programme by Martin Daubney, ex MEP, instead of asking how they could help in promoting my book, FNF decided to hit me with an 2 year old complaint. This is in breach of article 3.5 FNF complaints procedure under Standards and Principles, which clearly states that the time limit for a complaint shall be four weeks from the incident giving rise to it. Furthermore, only service users can complain. The complainant was not a service user. I’m reliably informed that there was email correspondence between the complainer and FNF HQ personnel encouraging him to disrupt CLB and especially myself and John Baker. Those emails have never been released to me, but I have requested them.
2022.
Paul O Callaghan, the then newish Chair of FNF trustees, asked me if I could persuade Ann Widdecombe to address the FNF AGM of November 2022. This was in response to an excellent video Ann had done with me in December 2021. It can be viewed on this website. To clarify, Ann is The Right Honourable Ann Widdecombe DSG. The Right Honourable means that Ann is a member of the Privy Council, the advisory body for the Sovereign. We were delighted when Ann accepted. Ann has a weekly column in the Daily Express and regularly features in the mainstream TV and radio. At last, the charity could get some much-needed publicity and hopefully a fellow campaigner and possible patron. However, the left leaning trustees had other ideas. They blocked Ann’s addressing of the FNF AGM. To my mind an act of unconscionable stupidity, where personal political prejudice overrode the best interests of the charity. Ironically, Ann later did an excellent foreword for my revised and updated book and gave me generous mention on GB News and the Daily Express.
2023.
If you thought the limits of stupidity and self-sabotage were reached, then think again. In early 2023 the same trustees had decided to change the charity’s name. FNF has existed since 1974, has been addressed by several Presidents of the Family Division, innumerable heads of service etc, is the brand, the DNA and the identity of what the charity is about. Over 90% of non-resident parents are fathers, by far the worst figure in the developed world. The trustees claimed that the term ‘father’ is toxic and apparently union executives will not address the charity because of the ‘father’ word. Yet, Dadshouse UK charity based in West London with Billy McGranaghan as CEO has over 29 agencies and businesses helping him. FNF does not have one! The respective websites and publicity garnered clearly indicate the vast gulf in competence. The trustees refuse to recognise that it is not ‘fathers’ which is toxic, it is their inability to promote fathers and shared parenting which is the problem.
I ask this question, if trustees cannot maintain and develop an existing well-established charity, what exactly are they going to do with the vacuous new title, Both Parents Matter? After all, they managed to reduce the membership of FNF from around 3,500 to approximately 1,600 in the past 10 years.